Let’s talk about the elephant in the boardroom: why do we have so many male leaders who just… aren’t very good at leading? Don’t get me wrong—I’m not here to bash anyone. But the truth is, we’ve all seen it: unqualified leaders at the top, making one questionable decision after another. How did they get there? And more importantly, why are they still there?
Having spent years in leadership development and executive coaching, I can tell you that the problem often comes down to a mix of cultural biases, old-school expectations, and a few misguided ideas about what makes a “good leader.” So, let’s break down why this keeps happening and what we can do about it.
1. The Confidence Overload
One big issue in leadership is our tendency to confuse confidence with competence. From an early age, men are encouraged to project confidence—even when it isn’t backed by skill—sometimes leading to overestimation of their abilities. While confidence can be valuable, it should stem from genuine competence and a deep understanding of one’s abilities and limitations. But in many leadership circles, sounding certain is often mistaken for knowing what you’re doing. Spoiler alert: it’s not always true. Genuine leadership requires humility and self-awareness, traits that help leaders inspire real trust and foster growth within their teams.
2. The Promotion Bias
Ever wonder why the loudest guy in the room seems to get promoted faster? There’s a bias that favours men who are assertive and self-promoting, while women often get labeled as “too aggressive” for the same behavior. This flawed system often fast-tracks people based on perception, not skill. In leadership development, we focus on qualities like empathy, active listening, and collaboration—traits that have nothing to do with ego or chest-puffing. But in many workplaces, assertiveness wins, and we end up with leaders who look the part but don’t know how to play it.
In my book, I also discuss the idea of “Blow your trumpet Bigly,” where I explain that it’s important to claim credit for your accomplishments (in the right way, to the right person) because otherwise, that credit can easily end up with someone else. Effective leaders know the balance between self-promotion and humility—and that’s the kind of promotion bias we should be encouraging.
3. Missing the Essential Soft Skills
Soft skills aren’t called “soft” because they’re easy; they’re called that because they require real self-awareness and discipline. Soft skills training is where we learn how to inspire, listen, and actually understand people. But guess what? Many leaders skip this training altogether, relying instead on technical expertise alone. This is like trying to steer a ship without a compass—it might look like you’re moving, but you’re not geared to be going anywhere meaningful. True leadership development has to include these interpersonal skills if we want leaders who can actually manage others effectively.
4. The ‘Old Boys’ Club’ Syndrome
If you know me, you know I’ll say it as it is: Too many organizations are still playing the “old boys’ club” game. Leadership roles often go to people who fit in with the current crowd, not necessarily the ones most qualified. It’s like casting Nicolas Cage in yet another action movie and expecting Oscar-worthy results. Sure, it’s familiar, but is it really what we need?
This mindset just reinforces a cycle where only certain types of people (read: the ones who look and act like the existing leaders) get promoted. Real leadership development should be about finding fresh talent and breaking out of these outdated molds. Because if we keep casting leaders who all think and act the same, guess what? We’ll keep getting the same predictable plot. And the results? Let’s just say they’re not exactly blockbuster material…
5. Lack of Feedback—or the Right Kind
Another reason incompetent leaders thrive is that they rarely get the kind of feedback that would actually help them improve. Here’s a little secret: studies show that men in leadership roles often get feedback on their results, while women tend to get feedback on their communication and style. What does this mean? It means that many male leaders never get a reality check on their interpersonal skills. Through executive coaching, I push my clients to embrace feedback that actually helps them grow—not just a pat on the back for hitting targets
6. Managing People Isn’t the Same as Managing Tasks
One of the biggest issues in leadership development is that we don’t teach people the difference between managing tasks and managing people. Effective leaders know that managing others is about fostering a positive culture, addressing biases, and building trust. Leaders who haven’t figured this out might be able to handle a spreadsheet, but they’ll struggle with actual humans. Through soft skills training, I work with leaders on understanding how to connect with their teams. Because if you can’t do that, your “leadership” is just a title.
7. It’s Time for Competent, Inclusive Leadership
So, how do we fix this? First, we need to rethink leadership development. Let’s stop rewarding confidence without competence and start investing in soft skills training alongside technical skills. It’s not rocket science. We need leaders who can communicate, listen, and inspire—skills that are sorely lacking in too many boardrooms. And while we’re at it, let’s encourage more diversity and ditch the outdated idea that leaders have to look and act a certain way.
Conclusion
Here’s the reality: If we want a future filled with capable leaders, we need to start challenging these myths and focusing on what really matters. Let’s leave the “old boys’ club” where it belongs—in the past. Through inclusive leadership development and a solid foundation in soft skills training, we can help leaders of all backgrounds rise based on merit, not bravado.
