The Secret to Managing Difficult People

Managing difficult people is a skill every leader must master. But before you can manage them, you have to recognise them. Luckily, difficult people aren’t too hard to spot and oftentimes they share common traits such as: a relentless need for control, low emotional intelligence, passive-aggressive tactics, and a lack of empathy. But here’s the thing: you can’t manage what you don’t understand. So, let’s break down the types of difficult people you might encounter, and more importantly, how to deal with them like a pro.

1. The Insecure Personality Type
   You know the one. They constantly seek validation, second-guess themselves, and often try to deflect their insecurities onto others. Managing this type requires a balance of empathy and direct feedback. With emotional intelligence, you can identify the triggers behind their behaviour and help them address their concerns—without letting it derail the team.
2. The Narcissistic Personality Type
   Narcissists are tough nuts to crack. They see the world revolving around them, and if you don’t cater to their ego, you might as well be invisible. But here’s the thing: emotional intelligence allows you to detach from their drama. With the right coaching techniques, you can steer the conversation back to what matters—team goals and performance—without feeding into their inflated sense of self.
3. The Passive-Aggressive Personality Type
   They say one thing but do another. They smile to your face but sabotage you behind your back. This type is especially tricky because their behaviour is often subtle, and they’re skilled at deflecting blame. Managing them requires a strong grip on emotional intelligence. You have to stay calm and assertive, focusing on facts, and never letting their passive-aggressive behaviour derail you or the team.
4. The Emotionally Unstable and Reactive
   Emotional outbursts are part of the package with this type. They can go from calm to furious in seconds, leaving you wondering what just happened. Here, your own emotional intelligence will be key. Recognising the signs of emotional instability early on allows you to de-escalate the situation before it gets out of control. And when things settle down, a coaching session can help them better manage their emotions in the future.
5. The Dominant Personality Type or Control Freak
   These people are obsessed with control, often micromanaging every detail of their work and the work of others. They may refuse to delegate or trust their team, believing they’re the only ones who can get things done. At the risk of sounding like a stuck record, here once again emotional intelligence helps you stay calm under pressure and find ways to empower them to step back, trust the process, and give others a chance to shine.
6. The Cultural Clash
   Sometimes, it’s not about personality, but about cultural differences. You might be managing someone from a different cultural background where values, communication styles, and work expectations vary significantly. Being aware of these cultural differences and fostering respect for them within your team will help align everyone and prevent what might initially seem like a “personality clash” from becoming an issue.
7. The Ageist
   Managing someone who’s decades older or younger than you presents unique challenges. Older employees might resist taking direction from someone they view as inexperienced, while younger employees might be dismissive of authority. Emotional intelligence can help you find common ground, respect their experience or fresh perspectives, and manage expectations effectively. With coaching, you can bridge generational divides and foster respect and collaboration within your team.
8. The Sexist
   In some environments, you’ll encounter individuals who struggle with accepting women as their senior. This type of bias can be particularly frustrating to manage. Emotional intelligence allows you to remain composed in these situations and deal with underlying issues of sexism, while coaching can help address their biases and guide them toward more inclusive and respectful behaviour. You’re not just managing a person—you’re managing the transformation of their mindset.

What Works When Managing Difficult People

Through my coaching, I’ve had countless conversations with managers and leaders about handling these tricky situations. I always ask, “What’s worked for you?” and “What hasn’t worked for you?”

Let’s begin with what’s worked:

• Open and Honest Communication
  It’s essential to be transparent about your values and what you stand for from the start (you know how strongly I feel about Values). And when your vision is clear, even the toughest team members can get on board. With coaching, you can help develop a clear and shared vision that leaves no room for confusion.
• 360-Degree Feedback
  This builds trust and encourages open communication. Everyone feels comfortable giving and receiving feedback, so you can tackle issues before they become major roadblocks. It’s a fantastic way to foster an environment of mutual respect and improvement.
• Cultural Awareness
  Taking the time to understand the diverse backgrounds and perspectives withinyour team is crucial. Just like in any relationship, understanding someone’s culture helps you improve interactions and build stronger connections. A little empathy can go a long way here.
• Active Listening
  Listening carefully is one of the simplest and most effective ways to manage difficult people. It shows respect and helps you better understand their needs and concerns. With the right coaching, you can improve your listening skills and make people feel heard.
• Credit Where It’s Due
  Always give credit when it’s deserved. Acknowledging your team’s contributions strengthens trust and fosters collaboration.
• Self-Awareness and Empathy
  Leading with empathy is key. When you practice self-awareness and emotional intelligence, you’re better able to confront challenging situations with understanding and calm. As a leader, empathy isn’t a weakness; it’s a superpower.
• Coaching Difficult Team Members
  Taking the time to coach difficult team members can make all the difference. Coaching isn’t about fixing people—it’s about helping them unlock their potential and perform at their best.
• Focus on Facts, Not Emotions
  When dealing with difficult individuals, it’s best to stay grounded in facts and figures, not emotions. This helps you maintain control of the situation and keeps things objective.
• Transactional Approach in Conflict
  When factors like age, gender, or cultural differences come into play, focus on the task at hand. Look for ways to leverage each person’s strengths. With coaching, you can develop strategies to focus on the work and minimize conflict.

What Doesn’t Work

Now, let’s talk about what hasn’t worked:

• Using Force
  Trying to force people to do what you need will never lead to long-term success. When it comes to managing people, soft skills are far more effective than brute force. Coaching teaches you to lead with empathy, not aggression.
• Trying to Be Friends with Everyone
  You don’t need to be best buddies with everyone at work. Focus on professionalism, respect, and collaboration instead of trying to be a people pleaser.
• Being Reactive or Emotional
  Losing your cool only escalates things. Staying calm, collected, and thoughtful is key to managing difficult people effectively. Coaching helps you develop that emotional control and stay focused when things get heated.

In Conclusion

Managing difficult people is no easy task. But with emotional intelligence and coaching, you have the tools to turn these challenges into opportunities for growth—for both you and your team. You don’t have to be a saint to manage difficult people, but with the right mindset and strategies, you can create an environment where everyone thrives. Remember, emotional intelligence isn’t about being nice; it’s about being smart about how you interact with others. And coaching? Well, that’s the secret sauce that helps you and your team level up.