Feedback: How to give It, take It, implement it and how coaching helps

Last Saturday’s Break Free online meet was a goldmine. We tackled the one thing that can make or break your career, team, marriage, self-image, and sometimes even your weekend plans: feedback.

As a coach, I’ve seen how the inability to handle feedback-giving or receiving-can silently derail growth. Some avoid it like the gym. Some love giving it but go blind when it’s their turn to receive. And others… well, they just nod, smile, and go back to doing exactly what they were doing before.

We started with four deceptively simple questions:

1. How do you give feedback?
2. How do you seek feedback?
3. How do you evaluate feedback?
4. How do you implement feedback?

By the end, it was clear: feedback isn’t just a tool. It’s an entire life skill.

Let me walk you through what we uncovered, peppered with real examples, coaching wisdom, and a few laughs.

1. Giving Feedback

Some of us treat giving feedback like defusing a bomb. Others do it like throwing one.

One participant, who manages a large team, said his tone is more important than the content. Another said he takes notes all month and gives feedback at the end. Yes, he’s basically the Santa Claus of corporate reviews.

There was a strong theme here: tailor the feedback to the receiver, not your ego. Don’t dump your emotional baggage onto their career.

A coaching client once told me, “I gave her honest feedback. She cried.” My reply? “Then you weren’t honest. You were careless.” Truth without tact is just violence.

Some swear by the “sandwich approach”-compliment, criticism, compliment. Personally, I prefer the “surgery without anesthesia” model but only with people who can handle it. If they can’t, I coach them first. Because a leader who can’t receive blunt feedback is like a soldier afraid of loud noises.

2. Seeking Feedback

One of my favorite moments came from someone who saves all his boss’s angry emails in a folder. That’s next-level feedback processing. Slightly masochistic, but hey, it works.

Many said they look for body language, subtle hints, and tone. Basically, office feedback is 90% detective work and 10% therapy.

Another participant said he skips his boss and goes straight to the boss’s boss. Smart or suicidal? Depends on the work culture and the personalities involved.

What resonated most was this: choose your feedback givers carefully. Not everyone is wise, mature, or unbiased. One guy put it perfectly-“Wrong people giving you feedback can mess you up.” I wanted to tattoo that on every manager’s forehead.

As a coach, I often advise clients to create a feedback board. Not a wooden one. A list of 4–5 trusted people across roles and levels who can hold up a mirror without distorting the image.

3. Evaluating Feedback

Here’s where many people screw up. They either take every piece of feedback personally and spiral into depression, or they brush it all off like dandruff.

One participant admitted that a single piece of scathing feedback made him want to resign. What saved him? A coach. (Humility alert: not me.) The coach helped him separate emotion from evaluation. He journaled it. Reflected. Saw the grain of truth. And stayed.

Others said they look at the source first. If you don’t respect the giver, don’t take the gift. Makes sense. You wouldn’t take fashion advice from someone in Crocs and a Hawaiian shirt, right?

I often remind clients: good feedback feels uncomfortable but not destructive. And it should always point to behavior, not identity. “You interrupt too much” is feedback. “You’re arrogant” is just lazy labeling.

4. Implementing Feedback: The Real Test

Now comes the tricky part-doing something with the feedback.

One guy gets told he’s not detail-oriented. So what does he do? Locks himself in a room and reviews deliverables three times before sending them out. Dramatic? Maybe. Effective? Definitely.

Another said he starts small and sees what sticks. If it works, he refines it. If not, he shelves it for later. That’s the corporate version of Tinder-swipe left on bad feedback, save the maybe pile.

And of course, journaling came up again. It’s underrated. Writing helps strip emotion from events. It’s how you stop reacting and start learning.

In coaching, I always suggest linking feedback to habits. Don’t say, “I’ll be a better listener.” That’s vague. Say, “I’ll let every team member speak for 90 seconds before I respond.” Specific. Measurable. Annoying, but effective.

Cultural Landmines

In many of our cultures, criticizing a senior is like asking for a slap. Respect is often mistaken for silence.

So what happens? Juniors fake agreement, peers keep quiet, and bosses float in their own bubble. That’s why 360-degree feedback systems are gold in our part of the world. They allow honesty without the politics.

But even then, it only works if people trust the process. One participant said it bluntly: “If the other person isn’t coachable, I give blunt feedback and move on.” I’ve felt that too. As a coach, I can only help someone who wants to change. You can’t force-feed growth.

Conclusion

Let’s be honest. Most of us weren’t taught how to handle feedback. We either flinch, fight, or freeze.

But here’s what I’ve learned-both from my own career and from coaching others: feedback is the fastest way to grow if you’re brave enough to face it.

It’s not about agreeing with everything. It’s about listening, reflecting, and experimenting. It’s also about knowing when to say, “Thanks, but no thanks.”

And sometimes, the best feedback you’ll ever get won’t come from your manager or mentor. It’ll come from your wife, your child, or a brutally honest junior. Pay attention.

So here’s your homework: pick one piece of feedback you’ve been ignoring. Sit with it. Test it. Change something. And if you don’t know where to start-get a coach.

Because growth doesn’t happen alone. Not in business. Not in life. And definitely not in feedback.