Let’s start with a simple observation.
Some of the cognitively smartest people I’ve met; executives, consultants and entrepreneurs are incredibly dumb emotionally. And by that, I mean irrational, emotionally constipated, and sometimes downright toxic.
They treat others like shit. They chase promotions they don’t want. They can’t say no even when they’re dying inside. They treat burnout like it’s a trophy.
But they’re not broken.
They’re just following the software they were handed.
We’re All Running Cultural Code
I was born and raised in India.
Malayali, middle class, raised by a single mother. From the start, I was handed a rulebook:
- Respect your elders.
- Don’t question.
- Study hard, get a stable job, shut up, and endure.
Then I spent decades in the Middle East. There, the locals followed rules that had a slightly different accent but the same weight:
- Don’t embarrass the family.
- Your personal worth is tied to your family’s image.
- Never confront directly – talk around the issue, not through it.
And just when you think you’ve figured out your own culture, you realize the entire world is playing out its own version of the same madness:
- In Japan and Korea: Don’t rock the boat. Die quietly if needed.
- In Latin America: Real men don’t cry. They drink, shout, and bottle it up.
- In Eastern Europe: Life is hard, emotions are dangerous, just survive.
- In the West: Hustle harder. Be your own brand. Rest is for the weak.
- Globally now: If it’s not online, it didn’t happen.
We’re all conditioned, programmed really, by the cultures we’re born into. And a lot of that code is outdated, irrational, and exhausting.
The Office Is Where Culture Goes to Die
Here’s what fascinates me: many of these cultural dysfunctions don’t stop at home. They walk into the office with us. In a suit.
I’ve seen leaders in Dubai, Delhi, and London who:
- Can’t handle dissent
- Confuse obedience with loyalty
- Think overwork equals dedication
- Avoid hard conversations like they’re contagious
This isn’t random. It’s culture playing out in business. The boardroom is just the family dining table in disguise.
In many Arab and South Asian settings, seniority still trumps logic. Appearances matter more than truth. Emotions are treated as threats, not signals.
And in Western workplaces, people are so obsessed with performance, metrics, and visibility that they forget how to be human. It’s all about the brand, the hustle, the productivity porn.
So, when smart people act weird, don’t assume they’re flawed. They’re just following the script their culture gave them. And that script was written for survival, not sanity.
So, What Can You Do?
I’ve spent years observing my own conditioning and helping others do the same. Here’s what’s helped me (and dozens of people I’ve coached).
1. Observe Yourself
Start by noticing your automatic responses.
- Why do you say yes when you want to say no?
- Why do you hold back criticism?
- Why do you assume intent?
Many of your beliefs aren’t really yours. You inherited them. Observing is the first step to rewriting the code.
2. Expose Yourself to Other Worlds
Culture becomes invisible when you stay inside it too long.
Read widely. Watch documentaries. Talk to people from different countries. Travel, if you can afford it. Not for the food pics, but for the mind shifts.
When I first saw how Australians spoke openly to their bosses, or how Brits take summer off without guilt, I thought, “Wait, you’re allowed to do that?”
Turns out, yes. There are other ways to live.
3. Get Therapy or Coaching
Growing up, I saw therapy as something for “crazy people.” In my world, problems were handled by “being strong” or “praying more.”
Later, I realized therapy is not a sign of weakness. It’s a tool for clarity. Coaching too.
You don’t go to a mechanic because your car exploded. You go because it’s making weird noises. Same principle.
4. Start Micro-Rebellions
You don’t have to quit your job, renounce the world, or start meditating on a mountain. Just start saying small no’s.
- No, I won’t take calls on weekends.
- No, I don’t agree with that strategy.
- No, I’m not pretending everything’s fine when it’s not.
Micro-rebellions are powerful. They break the old wiring one refusal at a time.
5. Build a New Tribe
If you’re surrounded by people who glorify stress, shame emotions, and treat honesty like a threat, it’s time to upgrade your circle.
Find people who are real. Who aren’t afraid to question tradition. Who talk about growth, not gossip.
Environment is not just influence. It’s identity reinforcement.
6. Calculate the Cost of Conformity
Every time you obey a dysfunctional rule, you pay a price.
Maybe it’s in sleepless nights. Maybe it’s emotional fatigue. Maybe it’s knowing you’re living someone else’s life.
Write that down. Make it real. When you feel the cost, change becomes easier.
7. Repeat, Repeat, Repeat
This isn’t a Netflix series. There’s no neat ending after ten episodes.
Unlearning is a daily practice. You catch yourself repeating an old pattern. You pause. You choose differently. Then you do it again.
There’s no quick hack. But the slow burn is worth it.
Closing
So, if you ever feel like you’re the odd one out, like you want to be honest while others perform, or rest while others grind-you’re probably not the problem.
You may just be waking up.
And if others around you act weird despite being intelligent, maybe they’re just following a 1,000-year-old script their culture handed them.
Being well-adjusted in a dysfunctional culture isn’t a virtue. It’s a missed opportunity.
Your brain is a brilliant machine.
Just make sure it’s not running on outdated software.